害怕交際的人: 充分挖掘自己 就不會感到孤獨

kira86 于2019-05-24發布 l 已有人瀏覽
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You Are Not Alone


(By Lynne Soraya)


Loneliness has been a constant companion in my life. I laugh when I read the news articles which try to say that people with Asperger's syndrome "have no desire for human companionship". I can't speak for all - it may be true of some, but it has certainly not been true for me. It can feel like a curse - having the acute desire for human interaction, togetherness, but constantly struggling to make it happen.

一直以來,孤獨都是我生活中一個如影隨形的伙伴。每當讀到一些新聞報道試圖闡明亞斯伯格綜合征 患者“沒有和其他人打交道的欲望”時,我就會發笑。我不能代表所有人說話——這句話對有些患者來說可能是對的,但對我來說肯定不對。我覺得這句話更像是一個詛咒,因為我內心有著強烈的愿望,想和人們交往,想要和他們待在一起,可是要實現這樣的愿望,我卻需要不斷付出努力。

The holiday season has always been especially difficult for me. There are many expectations created by the stories and depictions in the popular media of the "joyous" holiday season. For me, it's often been difficult to reconcile these expectations with my actual reality.


This is the time for parties that you're not invited to. Or if you are invited - you feel like an outsider as everyone else mixes and mingles while you find yourself tongue-tied in a corner. It's a time for family celebrations,which don't measure up to the idealized "Currier and Ives " pictures people have in their minds.


It's the time of year when you have to wrap your mind around how to maneuver your way around the social dilemmas that give even socially gifted people trouble.


Through this holiday season, I've been thinking about this a lot. How many people are out there suffering because they feel that Christmas should be like the movies? Or because they feel even more acutely the desire to "fit in", and feel acutely their failure to do so? Or simply feel more alone when everyone is feeling togetherness, and you're at home alone....

這次圣誕假期,我一直都在思考這個問題。有多少人正在那里飽受煎熬,就因為他們覺得圣誕節就應該像電影里演的那樣過?或者因為他們強烈地想要“融入”進去,同時又強烈地感到自己沒能融進去? 又或者是因為當每個人都和家人團聚時,你卻獨自一人在家,令你感覺更加形單影只……?

I was rooting around in some of my old papers this afternoon and I found a journal entry I wrote in my teens, which I think echoes what many people with Asperger's syndrome feel, perhaps more intensely this time of year.

今天下午,我在家里翻看一些以前寫的文章,發現了一篇我十幾歲時寫的日記。我覺得那篇日記反映了許多亞斯伯格綜合征 患者的感受,尤其是在每年的圣誕假期,這種感受也許更為強烈。

I get so very sad, yet no one around seems to understand. I really wish I had someone. The only way I have to explain it is through my writing or through my stories, and that is hard to express. I know anyone who has known me for any amount of time gets tired of my stories. I don't know. It's so lonely to spend my life jumping back and forth from here to there.


I never have had a chance to have a normal life. Why do I have to be so different?


I spend all my life trying to find someone who will understand, but because of my life, I wind up having to give them a tutorial about how I act and why. I know it sounds pompous and stupid, but what else have I to do?


I find no one else like me in my life. I have nothing in common with anyone. I feel trapped in a world that judges me at every turn and yet never bothers to try to help or understand.


My whole life has been spending trying to figure other people out. I've always felt left out. I'm a watcher because that's all I really know how to be - all I really can be. People say I'm stuck-up and a snob . I don't like to think that I am.


I love people. I'd love to be with them, but my life is so different, my motivations so strange. I feel I have to compromise some of myself to get along with anyone else. So I am left with two options - to live always compromising parts of myself, never getting to be myself, or to live my life lonely and alone.

我愛身邊的每一個人。我愿意跟他們待在一起,但是我的生活和他們的截然不同,我的這些想法自然也聽起來匪夷所思。為了和別人相處,我感覺自己不得不犧牲一部分自我。這樣我就只剩下兩個選擇:要么一直這樣委曲求全,永遠做不了真正的自己;要么就這樣形單影只, 孤獨地度過一生。

Even though I know I have gifts, there are times when I'd do anything to give up those gifts just I so can be a normal person. People tell me that they can't talk to me because it takes too much energy, but does that mean that I will be forced to spend the rest of my life being a hermit ? Will there ever be anyone who is willing to work to be with me? Will anyone climb the mountain?


Back when I wrote this, I had no idea why I was different. I just knew that I was. I thought I was alone in feeling this way. In the last five years, I've come to learn that I'm not. Through the miracle of the internet, I've learned that there are many more of you out there.

當年我寫這篇日記的時候,還根本不知道自己為什么和別人不一樣。我只知道自己和別人不同。那時我覺得自己是唯一一個有這種感受的人。在過去的五年間,我逐漸認識到我并不是。通過神奇的網 絡,我知道了在這個世界上還有很多這樣的人。

So, if anyone of you is feeling alone tonight, remember that perception isn't always reality. When I thought I was alone in the world, I wasn't. When I thought that no one else would ever understand or feel the way I did, I was wrong. It was just a question of finding the other people like me.


The idealized depictions of Christmas aren't the reality for most, if not all, so don't think that you're the oddball because your holiday is different. We all have our disappointments in life - but we can find our way. We can find our own crowd, and our own way of celebrating - that's fine.


And even if you have to celebrate alone, that's OK. Love yourself enough to know that a celebration alone can be just as valuable as one with others - it's all in how you handle it. If living with Asperger's teaches us anything, it teaches us how to live with ourselves. For some of us, our only friends are ourselves. You can focus on being alone, or you can make the most of what you do have - you.


You can go out and watch people. You can stay home and watch Star Trek. You can write, or listen to music that makes you happy. Or you can find a small, trusted group - that understand you and overlook your eccentricities .


In any event, the holidays don't have to be sad. Don't be lonely. There are others of us out there. There are others who understand. If you're lonely, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as are the thoughts and prayers of many others out there. You are not alone.

無論如何,我們的節日不必過得如此憂傷。別那么孤獨。世上還有很多像我們這樣的人。世上還有其他人理解我們。如果你感到孤獨,我的心靈會貼近你,我的祈禱會陪伴你,這么做的不止我一人, 這世界上還有許多人也會像我一樣。你并不是一個人。

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